Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 29

Weezy and The Swish podcast 29 *this episode has been found!*

Weezy writes:

Podcast number ?? What number are we on?
Comedian Bobby Slayton walked in the door talking and he didn't stop talking until he left an hour and a half later. In fact, he may never have stopped talking. We're not sure because he went out of range. Rather than attempt to explore the entirity of what he talked about, it would be more expediant to list what he did not talk about: Puppies, cake and archeology. Almost all other topics are in the pod cast. Mind you, Laura and I don't exactly talk in the show. Not full sentences anyway. We attempt to talk and then we are insulted by Bobby who then continues talking. Actually, it's really me who gets insulted. He likes Laura. Warning: This is a very racy show. A lot of cursing and adult content. So play it loud! Ha ha.

by Matt Hartley on Tue 27 Dec 2005 08:56 AM PST

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 28 - again...

Weezy and The Swish podcast 28 *this episode has been found!*

(Turns out the problem before was not a server crash, something else completely)

Weezy writes:

Our guest for pod cast #28 is Comedian Tig. Click and enjoy as we talk about comedy, Katrina Relief, Making people feel uncomfortable (pros and cons), hugs, parties, Jim Gaffigan, brushes with death, humping, evites, and Jimmy Kimmel. Plus, listen for a surprise speakerphone, unbeknown-st to her guest appearance by Sarah Silverman. It's all here for the clicking.

by Matt Hartley on Wed 21 Dec 2005 05:54 PM PST

Monday, December 12, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 27

Weezy and The Swish podcast 27 *this episode has been found!*

Weezy writes:
Weezy and The Swish welcome comedian, Dan Smith to the pod cast this week. Dan is an accomplished performer who has entertained the troops in 27 countries and opened for George Lopez at the Universal Amphitheatre in Los Angeles. If that doesn't impress you, than try this... He gets free shoes and gum from New Balance and Wrigley's respectively. Together with Weezy, the Swish and Matt, Dan discusses such evocotive topics as: comedy, travel, the internet, My Space, the people of Iceland, free gum, free shoes, George Lopez, Lawrence Fishburn and San Francisco police officers who make tawdry/controversial spoof videos with tax payer dollars. Click, listen and enjoy.

by Matt Hartley on Mon 12 Dec 2005 07:13 AM PST

Thursday, December 8, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 26

Weezy and The Swish podcast 26 *this episode has been saved by Spooie!*

Weezy writes:
Investigative reporter, Diane Dimond and her husband, radio news anchor, Michael Schoen are this week's guests. Together, along with Weezy and The Swish they take on the topics of news, reporting, news reporting, technology, the media, childhood, love, marriage cheeseballs and zombies. Diane Dimond is the author of a brand new book on the Michael Jackson case, titled "Be Careful Who You Love." Her husband, Michael Schoen is a radio personality at WCBS in New York City. Settle in, click and enjoy. This is some top notch podcasting right here.

by Matt Hartley on Thu 08 Dec 2005 03:11 AM PST

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Blogging From Weezy - Diane Dimond

by Louise Palanker on Wed 30 Nov 2005 12:26 AM PST

Our next guest will be Renowned Investigative Journalist, Diane Dimond. You can post your questions here or on the message board. The show will be a little late this week, based on Diane's busy schedule. She is taking time to drop in and grace us with her presence during her book tour. So, if you're up for chatting, the show will be taped Monday at 5:30 pm, PST.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 25

Weezy and The Swish podcast 25 *this episode has been saved by Spooie!*

Weezy writes:
Laura and I welcome a long-awaited visit from X-Play's Blair Butler. After a momentary lapse of trepidation, Blair relaxes into a comfortably geek-infused dialogue, alive with such topics as Resident Evil 4, (Is it why she bought The Gamecube?) Nintendo DS vs PSP, X-Box 360, worth the hype? and comic books galore. This girl speaks more intelligently about comic books than George W. Bush talks about... then Geroge W. Bush talks.
Also, do the Gilmore Girls listen to Weezy and the Swish? The evidence is compelling. You decide.
And, what backstage G4 secrets is Blair willing to reveal? Click, download, whatever it is you need to do and find out!

Matt Hartley on Mon 28 Nov 2005 03:24 AM PST

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 24

Weezy and The Swish podcast 24 *this episode has been found!*

Weezy writes:
Our guests include film critic, Cecily Knobler, reviewing Harry Potter and Walk the Line. She reports that sadly, there is no quiditch in Walk the Line. In-studio, our guest is Alan Wenkus from Premiere Radio Networks. Alan is a comedy writer/producer/performer and he comes armed with funny parody bits and songs. He also brought his guitar and has a tendency to burst into song with no provocation. Topics discussed include, office romance, office gossip, and office scuttlebutt. Be advised that Laura is very saucy in this episode so keep your volume down if your Mother is present and enjoy this ground breaking episode of Weezy and the Swish!

by Matt Hartley on Sun 20 Nov 2005 10:54 PM PST

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 23

Weezy and The Swish podcast 23 *this episode has been found!*

This was a great show, people! For me, the interview with Fritz Coleman was especially fun to listen to. Weezy and Laura explore both Fritz's work as a nationally recognized weatherman in addition to his life with the media in general. In short, there is a whole lot more to the man than the weather reporting alone! Seriously, you need to listen to this episode. Weezy explains: "Our guest, for Saturday's taping will be Fritz Coleman. Fritz is a Los Angeles legend. He's a comedian/playwright/weatherman and he is a household name here in Los Angeles. Most people, in a town full of celebrities can not name more than three or four local news personalities but they can all name and identify Fritz. Why is this? Probably because he's funny and reliable. The guy you believe. And he's been our NBC Weatherman for 25 years or more."

by Matt Hartley on Tue 15 Nov 2005 12:43 PM PST

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Blogging From Weezy - Upcoming Guest, Fritz Coleman

Our guest, for Saturday's taping will be Fritz Coleman. Fritz is a Los Angeles legend. He's a comedian/playwright/weatherman and he is a household name here in Los Angeles. Most people, in a town full of celebrities can not name more than three or four local news personalities but they can all name and identify Fritz. Why is this? Probably because he's funny and reliable. The guy you believe. And he's been our NBC Weatherman for 25 years or more.

If you have any questions about broadcasting, newscasting, weathercasting or related subjects, email us with them.

Or, if you want to take place in the live chat, we will be monitering it this week. We're starting at 5:00 because Fritz has to jet to a comedy show on Saturday.

Be advised, however, that this will be our first time attempting to monitor the chat and we will not be able to keep an eagle eye on it, so you may want to email your questions ahead of time to make sure we get to them.

I will try to type back to you and read your postings but this is experimental so bare with us.

Eventually we'll have a web cam and a way for your to hear the show as we record.

Talk to you Saturday!

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 22

Weezy and The Swish podcast 22 *this episode has been found!*

This week the ladies of comedy came up a little short on guests. But never fear, Weezy and Laura manage to cobble together a show with the help of some of the kids from Weezy's comedy class/program. After starting off the show with some explanations, Weezy quickly moves onto a teen-talk sort of segment as they dive head first into the latest happenings from the Weezy and The Swish message boards. Seems sort of different at first, but once things get going, the show actually turns into a good time had by all. So join us and listen in to all this and more on another installment of Weezy and The Swish!

by Matt Hartley on Tue 08 Nov 2005 10:05 AM PST

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 21

Weezy and The Swish podcast 21 *this episode has been found!*

This week, Laura bails for the weekend and turns up in New Mexico to spend some time with her family. We also have a special guest, Brett Gilbert, joining Weezy and Matt S. on the show. Those of you who happen to sit still for any length of time during those commercial breaks on TV may remember him from Pepsi, Twix and Folgers commercials. But that is hardly the limit to his talent. He has also played roles in: -Wild Things 2 -Ghost World - Malcolm in the Middle - NYPD Blue - General Hospital - Becker - Angel - Plus other shows/movies as well. Here is his links: Website and Weblog (Warning, some of the content on the blog site is pretty explict. If easily offended, I'd pass this over. Then again, you listen to this show. So more than likely you will simply refresh the page over and over to see if the picture ages with each try.) Brett strikes me as a pretty good guy. As to his fame, I guess you might say he is one of those fellas that you've seen before plenty of times, but have to stop and think for a minute before you realize; "Hey, I know that guy!" So sit back, buckle up, put on the feedbag and get ready...it's time for Weezy and The Swish Gilbert?!

by Matt Hartley on Tue 01 Nov 2005 02:05 AM PST

Thursday, October 27, 2005


by The Swish on Thu 27 Oct 2005 11:34 PM PDT

I really hope I didn't somehow reveal any super private info about me by posting my screenshot. I mean, I should be okay with people knowing that I had Word, Etomi and Weezy & The Swish open, right? RIGHT?!!

I wanted to go to bed tonight and then I stumbled across johnhighway's wonderful creation. As always, when our friends on the W&TS message board do something really neat that seems impossible for those of us without practical web skills, we have to show off a little and post their work.

Good job Mr. Highway.

See the site at Wiccanpedia.com

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Matt S

by The Swish on Wed 26 Oct 2005 08:02 PM PDT

I noticed we didn't have any choice pics of Matt S. posted so here's one I took this Saturday.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 20

Weezy and The Swish podcast 20 *this episode has been found!*

This week the ladies of comedy interview the one and only Eric Schwartz aka The Suburban Homeboy. The trio talk about Eric's work and how Weezy helped to get him employed him at Premiere.

Eric is best known for his comedy, music and music videos. For a suburban type of guy, he's got skills!

So take a few moments, download the latest episode of the show and be amazed with this week's...Weezy and The Swish!

by Matt Hartley on Tue 25 Oct 2005 05:02 AM PDT

Monday, October 17, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 19

Weezy and The Swish podcast 19 *this episode has been saved by Spooie!*

(Guy and Casey from G4) This week, a friend of the ladies known to us as 'Guy' is put under the lamp as Weezy and Laura begin with this week's show. Those of you familiar with the innerworkings of G4 more than likely have seen him in action a number of times, but not always under his given name. So take a walk on the wild side as we dive head first into this week's episode of Weezy and The Swish!

by Matt Hartley on Mon 17 Oct 2005 08:38 PM PDT

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Courtesy of Oakmist from the Boards

by The Swish on Sat 15 Oct 2005 09:30 AM PDT

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Weezy on Attack of the Show?

by Matt Hartley on Thu 13 Oct 2005 04:04 AM PDT

(Since the Weblog software has been acting up lately, I am posting the following on Weezy's behalf)

Weezy writes:

On Tuesday, I had a very interesting adventure at G4. My pal, Guy, who works there, asked me and a few friends to come down and be in a sketch for "Attack of the Show." I said, "Sure, no problem" and I brought my buddies, Fini Goodman and Melinda Ruben. Guy added a G4 intern named Emily and together we were cast as members of a fictional "book club."

Here's what we found out when we got there. We were not taping just one sketch. We were taping five sketches which will become a running feature on the program, so according to Hollywood standards, one could accurately state that I am now a "semi-regular on a TV show.

The sketches involve a "book club" hosted by Brendan Moran who selects books such as "Dune," and "C++ Programming for Dummies" and other titles which book club ladies might find a tad tedious and thus the comedy ensues. These little comic gems should start running on Monday, October 17th. I play the part of "Sheri," an erratically emotional, hormonally unbalanced whack job.

The sketches were written by Casey Schreiner and I must tell you, they were an actress's dream, full of depth and range and heart and women wrestling over a sticky bun.

Oh, and while I was at G4, I met Nick's dream date, Morgan Webb and everyone, everywhere could not stop talking about how much they miss Laura Swisher.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Weezy and The Swish Listeners - sittin' on the " Frapper"!

Thanks to Ian for setting this up for us.

We now have the ability to
illustrate the diversity of our listenership! Yup, WATS across the world! Heh, maybe we could even say we are illustrating WATS happening with the show?

No matter how you slice it, this is defiantly WAT is up this evening. Seriously though, take a moment and give us a shoutout from your neck of the globe. After all, the worst that could happen is that someone you know sees this and realizes that you actually listen to the show!

Weezy and The Swish from around the world!!

Monday, October 10, 2005

Weezy and The Swish podcast 18 - edit

Weezy and The Swish podcast 18 *this episode has been found!*

(Recorded 10-8-05)
Second try at posting the show

What the...? Have I been hornswaggled by impersonators? Nope, this week we have Weezy and Laura doubles joining them on the show. Speaking for myself, I have had a stunt Matt (aka Matt Sigman) in place for a few weeks now. So seeing more than one of us from time to time is not really as big of a shock as one might expect.

In addition to the double trouble, we also have some voicemail from fans both foreign and domestic. So turn up that volume kids, because this week's show is going to be one wild ride!

Here is a little tidbit about the 'others' (written by Laura #1)-
(Edit- And some great pictures I just found on Weezy's blog)

My reenactor, Angela V. Shelton, is a regular on VH-1's "Best Week Ever" and she, along with her performing partner Frances Callier, are people who I go out of my way to see because they're just that good. By the way, there are few performers I go out of my way for. Word on the street is that they have something in development with a certain major network that will hit the airwaves soon. What I'm trying to say is that it's worth your while to tune in this week.

Weezy's reenactor, Laura Buckles, actually played Weezy in the E! trial and was involved in the Internet's first sitcom, called "Sitcom a Sitcom". She explained what she was doing when she "got the call" from E!, and how she prepared to play our beloved Weezy. Plus, she's the first non-Pakistani I've met who lived in Pakistan and whose life was threatened traversing the Khyber Pass. I don't know where that is, exactly, or even if I got the name of the Pass right. The important thing to know is that she travelled to Afghanistan before Afghanistan become cool, like it is now.

by Matt Hartley on Mon 10 Oct 2005 11:53 PM PDT

Sunday, October 9, 2005

Weezy & The Swish - Notice Anything Different?

by The Swish on Sun 09 Oct 2005 01:13 PM PDT

For yesterday's podcast Weezy and I brought in our reenactors. They were so good we might hand off the show to them and just let them host the show.

As most of you know, Weezy testified in a certain high-profile trial. Said high-profile trial was reenacted on the E! channel, with actors playing all the various characters. So we contacted Weezy's reenactor to have her on the show. I can't stand for me, or someone who would play me, not to get the same amount of attention, so I brought in my personal reenactor, whom I employee to attend functions as my stand in when I'm not feeling very social. I also send her home for Thanksgiving so that I can do something fun without feeling guilty.

You'll want to listen to tomorrow's podcast (or Tuesdays, depending when it's posted) because it's one of the better ones.

My reenactor, Angela V. Shelton, is a regular on VH-1's "Best Week Ever" and she, along with her performing partner Frances Callier, are people who I go out of my way to see because they're just that good. By the way, there are few performers I go out of my way for. Word on the street is that they have something in development with a certain major network that will hit the airwaves soon. What I'm trying to say is that it's worth your while to tune in this week.

Weezy's reenactor, Laura Buckles, actually played Weezy in the E! trial and was involved in the Internet's first sitcom, called "Sitcom a Sitcom". She explained what she was doing when she "got the call" from E!, and how she prepared to play our beloved Weezy. Plus, she's the first non-Pakistani I've met who lived in Pakistan and whose life was threatened traversing the Khyber Pass. I don't know where that is, exactly, or even if I got the name of the Pass right. The important thing to know is that she travelled to Afghanistan before Afghanistan become cool, like it is now.

Okay, listen to the podcast. I've got to go back to work.

I love you!

Monday, October 3, 2005

Weezy and The Swish- episode 17

Weezy and The Swish podcast 17 *this episode has been found!*
(Recorded 10-01-05)
This week, Weezy posts her profile to the masses in hopes of attracting some of the weirdos that we might expect to respond to online personal ads. Be entertained as Laura reads her interpretation of this profile...oh yes, let the insanity ensue!

Also, we have a great clip from comic, Tom Clark. All this and more in this week's episode of Weezy and The Swish!

by Matt Hartley on Mon 03 Oct 2005 09:39 PM PDT

Monday, September 26, 2005

Weezy and The Swish- episode 16

Weezy and The Swish podcast 16 *this episode has been found!*
(Recorded 9-24-05)

This week I am proud to present an interview that I very much would have liked to participated in had my schedule permitted: Laura and Weezy have the distinct pleasure of talking with the very lovely and talented Cecily Knobler. Those of you that stay up to date with the Hollywood scene have likely heard of her. She has a syndicated radio show in something like 60 markets in addition to working as an entertainment columnist for a number of publications. Not only that, but she is also a stand up comedian!

That's not all, folks. We also have an interview with Suresh Joachim, the man who personally holds 16+ Guinness book world records. His latest record was set to the tune of 69 hours and 48 minutes of television watching in one sitting. So join us as we dive into this week's installment of Weezy and The Swish!

by Matt Hartley on Mon 26 Sep 2005 06:24 PM PDT

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Got board?

Feeling bored? Into chatting with Laura and Weezy fans? Then have I got a deal for you! OK, maybe not so much a 'deal', but since one of our Weezy and The Swish disciples got tired of waiting for me to get around to offering some message boards, he took the bull by the horns and did something about it! Enter Weezy and The Swish - the forums.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Weezy and The Swish- episode 15

Weezy and The Swish podcast 15 *this episode has been found!*

Holy cow, Laura has a job! Yes folks, Swisher has rejoined the workforce and she tells the listeners all about it. Also, you are about to experience our first 'phoner' as Weezy and Laura interview Dave McClure of SimplyFired.com. And then the ladies close the podcast with some relationship talk as things wind down. All this and more on this week's Weezy and The Swish!

by Matt Hartley on Tue 20 Sep 2005 03:11 AM PDT

Comments are back up...with some rules (edit)

by Matt Hartley on Tue 20 Sep 2005 12:05 AM PDT

Comments are back. Abuse the privilege with hateful posting, you will be banned without warning - forever.

Expressing opinions is encouraged, but do so as if the person you are referring was sitting across from you. If you think that the comments might get you smacked in real life, then chances are you had better just keep them to yourself.

Obviously Weezy and Laura can be as hateful as they wish. While I doubt they will be, they have Goddess posting status as this is their show. At least that's what they tell me when they let me out of the gunny sack for air, anyway.

Podcast will be up shortly.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Blogging from The Swish - The News Game Week o' September 11

Here are three news stories. One story is completely real; one is completely fake; one has a real headline, but a fake story. Which is which? Post your guesses.

To hear the answer, listen to our latest podcast, coming Monday-ish.


40 Year-Old Virgin Sues The 40 Year-Old Virgin

A neighbor of actor Steve Carrell has filed a lawsuit against Universal Pictures claiming the film is based on his own life.

The man—Edward Pantone, 43—says no one got permission from him for the story rights, and says it’s more than a coincidence that there are so many similarities between his life and the film. Pantone, a virgin, works in the electronics section at Sears and has a sizeable collection of anime DVDs and characters.

The movie stars Carrell as a forty-year old virgin who works at an electronics store and collects action figures. His buddies make it their mission to find him a woman.

Pantone claims that everyone he knows that’s seen the movie assumes the character is based on him. “People at work call me Andy,” he says, a reference to the movie’s lead character. “It’s embarrassing. I just want to do my job.”

Universal hasn’t commented on the lawsuit, and Carrell’s agent said Pantone’s claim was merit less.

The suit was filed in New York City.

New Trojan Swaps Porn for Koran

Sex may sell in the United States, but not in Dubai. In a bid to gain a Middle East market presence, Trojan Condoms has quietly introduced packaging featuring Koranic versus on condoms. Each condom contains a message for its user, such as “Allah is love” or “Blessed be Allah.”

Dubai is one of the wealthiest cities in the United Arab Emirates and its citizens have some of the freest attitudes toward sex of any Islamic regions.

Diddy Was Dropped by His Fans

Diddy was left floored after he tried to crowd surf at a concert and was dropped by his fans.

The rapper, formerly known as P. Diddy, was performing at top Ibiza nightclub Space when the embarrassing mishap took place. .
According to revellers, the hip-hop star got so excited during the performance he leapt into the crowd, but instead of catching him they moved out of the way and let him hit the floor.

One onlooker said: "He took a dive from the stage , expecting to be caught by his fans. But no one caught him and he landed with a thud on the floor."

After picking himself up, Diddy - real name Sean Combs - reportedly limped back on stage and carried on. The rap star changed his name for a fourth time in July after claiming he was sick of the old moniker and tired of people never knowing whether to call him P or Diddy. .

Monday, September 12, 2005

Weezy and The Swish- episode 14

Weezy and The Swish podcast 14 *this episode has been found!*

(Worst Photoshop effort, ever!)

Yes folks, the big interview is here! This week, we talk with Ron Zonen, one of the prosecutors for the MJ trial. There is a lot of ground covered here today. Heck, we even have a few jokes inserted within key areas - just for good measure.

After introductions are given, each of us take turns asking Ron what we have on our minds. To be honest, listening to this show will give you some real insight into what actually took place behind the closed doors...

So stop reading this and listen to this week's episode of Weezy and The Swish!

by Matt Hartley on Mon 12 Sep 2005 04:16 PM PDT

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Blogging from The Swish - Interviewing Ron Zonen

by The Swish on Sat 10 Sep 2005 03:25 PM PDT

We've got prosecuter Ron Zonen in the studio today so I'm trying to come up with questions for him that won't make me look stupid. So far I've got:

1) Who do you think will win on the reality show "Shall We Dance"?

2) What's your favorite Michael Jackson song?

3) When you were prosecuting Michael Jackson, did you happen to get his autograph?
3b: If you got his autograph, can I buy it off you?

4) What kind of car do you drive?

5) Do defense attorneys generally buy better cars than prosecutors on account of the fact that their clients can afford to pay the big bucks?
5b Do you get jealous if your colleagues have nicer cars?

6) What's your address and home phone number?

7) If you were to guesstimate, how many times do you think you've yelled out, "OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR!!!"

I'm going to try and come up with some more.

Friday, September 9, 2005

Blogging From Weezy - Questions for Ron Zonen

by Louise Palanker on Fri 09 Sep 2005 02:10 AM PDT

Mr. Ron Zonen of the Santa Barbara D.A.’s Office will be our guest as we tape our next podcast tomorrow, Saturday. Post a comment here if you have a question for Mr. Zonen and he will be happy to answer it on the show. Questions can range from "How did the specific intricacies of the California criminal justice system impact your Michael Jackson Case trial strategy?" to "What is your favorite soup?" Although, hold off on the soup question because I might want to ask him that.

In an effort to make Mr. Zonen feel comfortable in the studio, I am busy installing a metal detector

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

The promo...finally

Weezy and The Swish - Promo

OK, it took me long enough. But here is the official demo to be used in multiple capacities including submission to Adam...

Weezy and The Swish- episode 13

Weezy and The Swish podcast 13 *this episode has been found!*

This week on Weezy and The Swish...

-Ponder the date and try to get their schedules figured out
-Weezy discusses her part in a documentary
-Fun with Angry Celebrities
-Fun with Angry Lesbian Poets
-Fun with Angry Laura
-And behind the scenes secrets...

by Matt Hartley on Tue 06 Sep 2005 07:10 PM PDT

Monday, September 5, 2005

Labor Day

In observance on the holiday, the show will be posted Tues.


Saturday, September 3, 2005

Blogging From Weezy - Angry Lesbian Poets

Tonight, my friend Deb and I went to do comedy at Coffee Haven in Long Beach. The room is run by our friend, Kerry Arnold Stevens who is a funny man and a gentleman. It seems, however, that since the last time I was there, the place has become overrun by angry lesbian poets. Now, please understand that I would be fine with lesbian poets or angry poets or even angry lesbians. But, a room full of angry lesbian poets can be very overwhelming to a sensitive, thoughtful comedian such as myself. What I’m trying to say is they were mean to me.

Here’s how it went down… the ALBs had taken over the first three rows and when I began my act, they were all glaring at me and chanting, “Labyrinth! Labyrinth! This, I later learned, is the name of their favorite angry lesbian poet. I was not Labyrinth and this made them angrier. Now, when angry lesbian poets go from angry to angrier, they become irate lesbian poets. This is not a good thing. I tried to get them to stop chanting by saying something funny, or at least something that I thought was funny. One of them actually pointed at me and laughed. I said, “I feel as though you’re laughing at me, not with me.” The angriest one of them snarled and spit and said, “We ARE laughing at you.” I said, “You guys are like the mean girl table at lunch.” She said, “Well, you’re not funny!” Then everyone in the place went, “Oooohhh.”

At that point, my inner voice said “Screw them,” and just did my act. Because, a lot of my jokes are good and when in doubt, or in terror, do the act. So, I got laughs and got off the stage and here comes the kicker. I hope you are ready because this is awesome… all of the angry lesbian poetry, I mean all of it, each and every angry lesbian poet and each and every angry lesbian poem is all about love and tolerance and conquering the fear of rejection and accepting all of God’s unique creatures as beautiful in the eyes of the universe, and righteously defying the injustice of the insensitive and blah dee freakin’ blah blah.

I just sat there staring at angry lesbian poet after angry lesbian poet thinking, “Am I not outcast enough for God’s love?” Or, “Are you people just angry lesbian hypocrites?

Then, my friend Comedian, Leo Flowers got up on stage and he went, “What the Hell just happened here?” Thanks, Leo. That was cool of you, because yeah, those girls really did hurt my feelings. It made me feel very exposed and vulnerable and no matter how smooth I attempted to appear, it hurts when people publicly mock you.

I’m sorry if I’m not Labyrinth. I will never be Labyrinth and my act isn’t angry and I don’t wave my arms around in extreme gestures and then back away from the mic while making a nasty face as I pose for dramatic effect after chanting something like this:

Jane is pain! Jane is rain!

My soul darkens! Emptiness harkens!

Thoughts of death! Hold my breath!

Falling, falling! Heartbeat stalling!

Moist touch enthralling my love cave!!!!

(I made that up in the spirit of what I heard tonight)

In fact, most of my jokes don’t even rhyme but I do have feelings.

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Blogging from The Swish - A Time for Sacrifice

Like many of you, I've been trolling the web for the latest updates on the horror show that's playing out in New Orleans. This is what happens when politics trump good government. Disgusting.

I checked out Daily Kos and read an entry that makes a lot of sense. He talked of skipping Christmas gifts this year, and instead donating money to aid the victims of this national tragedy. I have already donated my would-be Christmas gifts for family and friends to the Red Cross. I know the refugees will need my HBO screener of the miniseries "Empire Falls" more than anyone in my social network--ditto my autographed "Will & Grace" mouse pad.

The devil on my shoulder told me this would be the perfect excuse to avoid the relative nightmare of Christmas shopping, what inevitably turns out to be a whirlwind of anxiety in the final days to the Big J's birthday. And I rarely actually send gifts off on time. So this year it crossed my mind that I could send out a card saying, "In lieu of a scented candle/sweater/DVD, a donation in your name has been made to [An Important Relief Effort].

But then I peruse the message board on Craig's List New Orleans and read post after post of Americans all across the country offering their homes to strangers, and the generosity gives me pause. And I wish I could offer that kind of help.

Since I'm an imperfect and somewhat selfish being, I'm thinking of compromise. I am going to make a donation to the Red Cross, AND I will blame Katrina (and George Bush, by extension) for a lack of gifts this year.

I don't know what else to say.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Blogging from The Swish - Wanted: Happy Days Fan Fiction

So last week on Weezy & The Swish, Weezy (aka Louise Palanker) read a piece of Happy Days fan fiction. It was quite disappointing, rather dull. If I had the URL to the story I'd link to it to give you an idea of how bad it was. By "bad" I mean boring.

I said our listeners--or faithful blog readers--would be able to come up with far more interesting fan fiction. Now, it may be that most of you are lazy and/or have better things to do; however, I would be honored to read a quality, listener-written story on the show.

We also discussed those wonderful moments when public figures publicly lose it on air, unwittingly or not, as in the case of Britney Spears using the "F" word when her mic was on. So if there are any gems you guys are fond of, feel free to point me to examples online.

Ummmmm....If anyone is in the Los Angeles area and wants to check out a great stand-up show, you should definitely come out. Here are the details:

Wednesday, August 31st
M Bar
1253 Vine Street
(Located in the shopping center at the corner of Fountain & Vine.)
7:45pm show starts (doors open at 7pm)
Admission: $10

If you want to come early and grab dinner, call to make reservations. This will also guarantee
you a good table: 323-856-0036


Monday, August 29, 2005

Weezy and The Swish- episode 12

Weezy and The Swish podcast 12 *this episode has been lost*

On this week's episode of Weezy and The Swish...

Weezy takes a trip to see the 40 year old virgin, but apparently ends up with more than she bargained for. Also, in the spirit of radio shows before us, Weezy and Matt S. try to figure out false stories from the legit ones as Laura spews forth a web of deceit tainted with some hints of truth. Needless to say, things get pretty bizarre. Don't believe me? Just look at these headlines yourself and see if you can spot fact from fiction!

-Al Roker sex tape EXPOSED!
-Wanted: Perfect Legs
-Humans Strip Bare for Zoo Exhibit
-Brazil woman, 80, turns detective
-Depressed Chimp 'Lights Up'
-Popular TV show Family Guy, Has Fun with AIDS
-Bush Aside Sparks Media Frenzy
-"LA Gator" Attacks Florida Handler (Road trip?)

All this and much on this week's show!

by Matt Hartley on Mon 29 Aug 2005 06:43 AM PDT

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

No, we are not going to do the show naked

by Matt Hartley on Wed 24 Aug 2005 07:43 PM PDT

OK, now that the first question was taken care of, let's go ahead with the second one.

A new fan writes:

Why doesn't Matt get his name in the title of the show? What did he do to tick Weezy and The Swish off?

Well New Fan, it was decided by all of us that the show title in its current form makes sense for our everchanging needs. It's easy to remember and it has pizazz!

As for ticking off the ladies, there is actually a little story behind that. See, I was actually won as a servant in a game of Stratego about 6 months ago by Laura Swisher. Since then, my life has been a virtual whirlwind of trips to the local takeout joint, scrubbing kitchen floors and basically doing everything within my power to win back my freedom.

On most days, Weezy and Laura remember to feed me and even make sure that I have enough time for my daily errands. Still, there are those rare occasions when I might forget a line during the show or simply spill something. When this happens, I am guaranteed a swift smack upside the head with a rolled up newspaper. So I guess you might say that there are days when life can be seen as a little bit difficult when working with these two. Earlier today however, I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I was told that if I finish detailing their cars with my toothbrush, Weezy and Laura will make good on their promise to release me back into the wild so I can rejoin my fellow geeks...

OK, obviously we all get along great. I like to think that we are all friends and most of what you hear on the show is just part what we do. No one has beaten me in days - honest.

Yo, Weezy has a blog now!

Yuppers, our very own Weezy has apparently been bitten by the blogging bug (my God, that is a lot of B's).

Please go and harass her at this link. Since Laura and myself have our own already, I guess she felt the need to be special too.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Weezy and The Swish - episode 11

Weezy and The Swish podcast 11 *this episode has been found!*

We're back and this week we talk about Martin Sargent and his alleged broken blogging promises to Laura, our verbal examination of a real life Ken Doll from hell, plus a whole lot more! Check it out on Weezy and The Swish - episode 11!

by Matt Hartley on Mon 22 Aug 2005 03:53 AM PDT

Friday, August 19, 2005

Michael Jackson Trial Prosecutor - coming up on Weezy and The Swish

by Matt Hartley on Fri 19 Aug 2005 07:01 PM PDT

Just got word that we (
Weezy and Laura) will be interviewing Ron Zonen, the prosecutor from the Michael Jackson trial. The show is scheduled to be recorded Sat, September 10th. If all goes well, it will be ready for download Monday the 12th of September.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Blogging From Weezy - Why Try?

Why try? We all ask ourselves that question at some point during the day, the month, the life, don’t we?

Last night, I worked a new room for me called Shane on Main Street in Santa Monica. I thought I had been booked. I was booked, but it was one of those rooms where they keep putting people on in front of you and pushing you further back and back in the line-up. Patrick, the guy running the room kept walking by me, holding up two fingers and saying, “two more, then you.” This feels something like sitting in an airport waiting to board a flight that’s delayed. The time on the screen is giving you a glimmer of hope that it’s only a half hour wait, but then it’s another half hour and another and another and now you’re weary and angry and it’s time to re-shave your armpits.

That’s what happened last night. I got there at 8:00. I went up at 11:00. I became very close to the bartender, Scotty who fixed me a take-home meal. I brought it out to my car and discovered a parking ticket. The meters go until 10:00 pm in the evil empire of Santa Monica. I walked solemnly defeated back into the bar, prepared to tell Patrick that he had won. I was giving up and going home.

Please know that I am not generally this easily beaten down but I had spent the day driving to Palm Springs for a funeral. My cousin-in-law’s father, Monty Berman had passed away and although I did not know this man, I watched my cousin, Trish’s husband Lee Jay deliver an incredibly moving eulogy which ended in these words… “I am and always will be Monty Berman’s son.” That had me sobbing.

Now, driving to Palm Springs and back…? I can’t recommend it. First of all, it’s a long ass drive on the 10. Second… when you get there, you’re in Palm Springs and frankly… yuck. Driving back is another long ass drive on the 10 but the good news is that you are out of Palm Springs.

So, I didn’t really feel like doing stand-up last night and yes, I did almost tell Patrick that I was leaving. But then I saw Bob Oshack at the bar and you really can’t look at that guy without smiling and, OK… he had pictures of his kids. A 3 ½ year old daughter and a brand new baby boy. Life does not get any cuter and so I stayed for his set and then I was next. Naturally, by this point there were only ten people remaining in the audience and the three in the back were solidly involved in a loud conversation but I may have actually won them over because the one who told me his name was Bill laughed when I called his girlfriend Hillary. (yeah, that’s how funny I can get)

Thanks for reading this far. I feel much better. I have to go pay a parking ticket.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Blogging from The Swish - Atkins Shmatkins

I, for one, am happy that Atkins has filed for bankruptcy. A dear friend of mine, a model, committed suicide after accidentally consuming a noodle. When she learned that macaroni were also considered "carbs" (she thought spaghetti was the only pasta), she polished off a bottle of Xanax and overdosed.

It's time for people to stop succumbing to fad diets. Here's what you need to know: a healthy diet is all about balance and moderation, not guilt and despair. I try and maintain this balance.

Take yesterday, for example. For breakfast I ate scrambled egg whites with sliced tomato. For lunch I ate a spinach salad and had a glass of sparkling water with a lemon wedge. And for dinner I ate a baby. Now, it's not like the baby was wrapped in bacon or anything. It wasn't. In fact, it was grilled. And tomorrow I will spend an extra thirty minutes at the gym to work it off.

Am I going to freak out about the amount of food I ate, or about how fattening baby fat is? No. And you shouldn't either.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Next show will be posted by this evening

by Matt Hartley on Mon 15 Aug 2005 04:06 PM PDT
Running late today as I play catch up from being gone for a week. The latest podcast will be posted by this evening.

Weezy and The Swish - episode 10

Weezy and The Swish podcast 10
*this episode has been Found!*

Those wacky ladies are at it again! In this weeks show, they cover some pretty out there topics including:
-Men Overcompensate When Their Masculinity is Threatened

-DJ Beaten for Playing Too Much "Gay Music"

-Men Decode Male Voices Faster than Female Voices

All this and more on, Weezy and The Swish podcast #10!by Matt Hartley on Mon 15 Aug 2005 10:27 PM PDT

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Podcast 9 streaming bit is up

by Matt Hartley on Sun 14 Aug 2005 04:34 PM PDT

Expect to see the latest show featuring myself as "out of town" some point on Mon.

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