Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Blogging from The Swish - Wanted: Happy Days Fan Fiction

So last week on Weezy & The Swish, Weezy (aka Louise Palanker) read a piece of Happy Days fan fiction. It was quite disappointing, rather dull. If I had the URL to the story I'd link to it to give you an idea of how bad it was. By "bad" I mean boring.

I said our listeners--or faithful blog readers--would be able to come up with far more interesting fan fiction. Now, it may be that most of you are lazy and/or have better things to do; however, I would be honored to read a quality, listener-written story on the show.

We also discussed those wonderful moments when public figures publicly lose it on air, unwittingly or not, as in the case of Britney Spears using the "F" word when her mic was on. So if there are any gems you guys are fond of, feel free to point me to examples online.

Ummmmm....If anyone is in the Los Angeles area and wants to check out a great stand-up show, you should definitely come out. Here are the details:

Wednesday, August 31st
M Bar
1253 Vine Street
(Located in the shopping center at the corner of Fountain & Vine.)
7:45pm show starts (doors open at 7pm)
Admission: $10

If you want to come early and grab dinner, call to make reservations. This will also guarantee
you a good table: 323-856-0036


Monday, August 29, 2005

Weezy and The Swish- episode 12

Weezy and The Swish podcast 12 *this episode has been lost*

On this week's episode of Weezy and The Swish...

Weezy takes a trip to see the 40 year old virgin, but apparently ends up with more than she bargained for. Also, in the spirit of radio shows before us, Weezy and Matt S. try to figure out false stories from the legit ones as Laura spews forth a web of deceit tainted with some hints of truth. Needless to say, things get pretty bizarre. Don't believe me? Just look at these headlines yourself and see if you can spot fact from fiction!

-Al Roker sex tape EXPOSED!
-Wanted: Perfect Legs
-Humans Strip Bare for Zoo Exhibit
-Brazil woman, 80, turns detective
-Depressed Chimp 'Lights Up'
-Popular TV show Family Guy, Has Fun with AIDS
-Bush Aside Sparks Media Frenzy
-"LA Gator" Attacks Florida Handler (Road trip?)

All this and much on this week's show!

by Matt Hartley on Mon 29 Aug 2005 06:43 AM PDT

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

No, we are not going to do the show naked

by Matt Hartley on Wed 24 Aug 2005 07:43 PM PDT

OK, now that the first question was taken care of, let's go ahead with the second one.

A new fan writes:

Why doesn't Matt get his name in the title of the show? What did he do to tick Weezy and The Swish off?

Well New Fan, it was decided by all of us that the show title in its current form makes sense for our everchanging needs. It's easy to remember and it has pizazz!

As for ticking off the ladies, there is actually a little story behind that. See, I was actually won as a servant in a game of Stratego about 6 months ago by Laura Swisher. Since then, my life has been a virtual whirlwind of trips to the local takeout joint, scrubbing kitchen floors and basically doing everything within my power to win back my freedom.

On most days, Weezy and Laura remember to feed me and even make sure that I have enough time for my daily errands. Still, there are those rare occasions when I might forget a line during the show or simply spill something. When this happens, I am guaranteed a swift smack upside the head with a rolled up newspaper. So I guess you might say that there are days when life can be seen as a little bit difficult when working with these two. Earlier today however, I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I was told that if I finish detailing their cars with my toothbrush, Weezy and Laura will make good on their promise to release me back into the wild so I can rejoin my fellow geeks...

OK, obviously we all get along great. I like to think that we are all friends and most of what you hear on the show is just part what we do. No one has beaten me in days - honest.

Yo, Weezy has a blog now!

Yuppers, our very own Weezy has apparently been bitten by the blogging bug (my God, that is a lot of B's).

Please go and harass her at this link. Since Laura and myself have our own already, I guess she felt the need to be special too.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Weezy and The Swish - episode 11

Weezy and The Swish podcast 11 *this episode has been found!*

We're back and this week we talk about Martin Sargent and his alleged broken blogging promises to Laura, our verbal examination of a real life Ken Doll from hell, plus a whole lot more! Check it out on Weezy and The Swish - episode 11!

by Matt Hartley on Mon 22 Aug 2005 03:53 AM PDT

Friday, August 19, 2005

Michael Jackson Trial Prosecutor - coming up on Weezy and The Swish

by Matt Hartley on Fri 19 Aug 2005 07:01 PM PDT

Just got word that we (
Weezy and Laura) will be interviewing Ron Zonen, the prosecutor from the Michael Jackson trial. The show is scheduled to be recorded Sat, September 10th. If all goes well, it will be ready for download Monday the 12th of September.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Blogging From Weezy - Why Try?

Why try? We all ask ourselves that question at some point during the day, the month, the life, don’t we?

Last night, I worked a new room for me called Shane on Main Street in Santa Monica. I thought I had been booked. I was booked, but it was one of those rooms where they keep putting people on in front of you and pushing you further back and back in the line-up. Patrick, the guy running the room kept walking by me, holding up two fingers and saying, “two more, then you.” This feels something like sitting in an airport waiting to board a flight that’s delayed. The time on the screen is giving you a glimmer of hope that it’s only a half hour wait, but then it’s another half hour and another and another and now you’re weary and angry and it’s time to re-shave your armpits.

That’s what happened last night. I got there at 8:00. I went up at 11:00. I became very close to the bartender, Scotty who fixed me a take-home meal. I brought it out to my car and discovered a parking ticket. The meters go until 10:00 pm in the evil empire of Santa Monica. I walked solemnly defeated back into the bar, prepared to tell Patrick that he had won. I was giving up and going home.

Please know that I am not generally this easily beaten down but I had spent the day driving to Palm Springs for a funeral. My cousin-in-law’s father, Monty Berman had passed away and although I did not know this man, I watched my cousin, Trish’s husband Lee Jay deliver an incredibly moving eulogy which ended in these words… “I am and always will be Monty Berman’s son.” That had me sobbing.

Now, driving to Palm Springs and back…? I can’t recommend it. First of all, it’s a long ass drive on the 10. Second… when you get there, you’re in Palm Springs and frankly… yuck. Driving back is another long ass drive on the 10 but the good news is that you are out of Palm Springs.

So, I didn’t really feel like doing stand-up last night and yes, I did almost tell Patrick that I was leaving. But then I saw Bob Oshack at the bar and you really can’t look at that guy without smiling and, OK… he had pictures of his kids. A 3 ½ year old daughter and a brand new baby boy. Life does not get any cuter and so I stayed for his set and then I was next. Naturally, by this point there were only ten people remaining in the audience and the three in the back were solidly involved in a loud conversation but I may have actually won them over because the one who told me his name was Bill laughed when I called his girlfriend Hillary. (yeah, that’s how funny I can get)

Thanks for reading this far. I feel much better. I have to go pay a parking ticket.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Blogging from The Swish - Atkins Shmatkins

I, for one, am happy that Atkins has filed for bankruptcy. A dear friend of mine, a model, committed suicide after accidentally consuming a noodle. When she learned that macaroni were also considered "carbs" (she thought spaghetti was the only pasta), she polished off a bottle of Xanax and overdosed.

It's time for people to stop succumbing to fad diets. Here's what you need to know: a healthy diet is all about balance and moderation, not guilt and despair. I try and maintain this balance.

Take yesterday, for example. For breakfast I ate scrambled egg whites with sliced tomato. For lunch I ate a spinach salad and had a glass of sparkling water with a lemon wedge. And for dinner I ate a baby. Now, it's not like the baby was wrapped in bacon or anything. It wasn't. In fact, it was grilled. And tomorrow I will spend an extra thirty minutes at the gym to work it off.

Am I going to freak out about the amount of food I ate, or about how fattening baby fat is? No. And you shouldn't either.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Next show will be posted by this evening

by Matt Hartley on Mon 15 Aug 2005 04:06 PM PDT
Running late today as I play catch up from being gone for a week. The latest podcast will be posted by this evening.

Weezy and The Swish - episode 10

Weezy and The Swish podcast 10
*this episode has been Found!*

Those wacky ladies are at it again! In this weeks show, they cover some pretty out there topics including:
-Men Overcompensate When Their Masculinity is Threatened

-DJ Beaten for Playing Too Much "Gay Music"

-Men Decode Male Voices Faster than Female Voices

All this and more on, Weezy and The Swish podcast #10!by Matt Hartley on Mon 15 Aug 2005 10:27 PM PDT

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Podcast 9 streaming bit is up

by Matt Hartley on Sun 14 Aug 2005 04:34 PM PDT

Expect to see the latest show featuring myself as "out of town" some point on Mon.

Blogging From Weezy - State of the Act

by Louise Palanker on Sun 14 Aug 2005 03:07 PM PDT

I've been doing stand-up comedy since 2000. In many ways it's a very solitary pursuit. You're up on stage by yourself. You are solely responsible for the success or failure with which you meet. I love that aspect of stand-up comedy... Forging onward… me against my own limitations. Attaining momentary ownership of something as elusive as a stranger's laughter is a worthy challenge, isn't it? Well, it is and it isn't because, strangely, the pursuit of laughter can turn many people hollow and mean.

Maybe that happens to people who remain as solitary offstage as you have to be on stage. Yikes, this is starting to sound very dull and preachy when really what I'm trying to say is that during the past five years, I have gotten a huge kick out of watching my friends progress along side me.

As solitary as the act itself is, watching my friends grow and develop and emerge as performers has been a huge treat and I don't think I'd be doing this were it not for the friendships.

Of course that sounds corny. I don't know how else to say it. A lot of us started at Jennifer's together. Fini Goodman, Deb Cox, Bret Gilbert, James Painter, Nick Yousef, Bret Williams, Brian Dowell, Laura Swisher and just a bunch of people who if you watch us perform today, you'll gather no hint of how badly we sucked five years ago.

And I think that no matter how lonely the act of standing on a naked stage, by yourself and talking can be, like anything else, finding a way to share the experience is what makes it worth doing.

I am very proud of my stand-up friends who have come so far in five years. We're only partly there but I can feel my progress and I can feel theirs and this, just like everything else, is about the journey. You've been a terrific crowd. That's my time. Thanks.

P.S. I never say that at the end of my set because I think it's hack. But what's hack on stage can be funny in a blog… or not. I’ll leave that up to you.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Just some housekeeping

by Matt Hartley on Sat 13 Aug 2005 01:45 AM PDT

I took a minute to 'resize' two of the newest images uploaded to the album area. Enjoy!

Bob and Weezy

Laura, Bob and Weezy

Friday, August 12, 2005

Streaming link is coming back

by Matt Hartley on Fri 12 Aug 2005 12:33 PM PDT
In DC right now, will be getting a streaming file up when I get back Sunday.

Blogging From Weezy - Angry Emails?

I'd like to introduce a new feature for our podcast which I will call, "Angry Emails." If you have received an angry email that you would like to share with us, please do so and we will dramatically interpret your angry email on our podcast. Please give us a little back story so that we can set it up properly and deliver in with the intended spirit. I, myself, have never received an angry email. Let me correct that. I haven't received angry email from anyone I know. I have received hate mail from Michael Jackson fans. But I'm not counting that because they don't know me. Only people who really know me are permitted to legitimately spill vile sentiments at me via the internet. So far that hasn't happened and I owe that to my pleasant disposition and my restraint from entering Paris Hilton chat rooms and spamming, “Whore!!!” That's why I'm hoping that perhaps you have received angry hate mail so that together we can burst the bubble of the hurtful missive by having fun at the expense of its author.

Here's how I got the idea. My friend, Fini's boyfriend received an angry email from his ex-girlfriend after Fini suggested that perhaps the ex could call him a little less often. I heard the email and I thought, "Gosh, people need to realize just how foolish they come across when typing childishly venomous thoughts and hitting the send button. And what better way to bring this to their attention than by reading these letters aloud. I will be reading Fini's angry ex email on our next podcast.

If you, too, have an angry email that you would like to share, send it to us at

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Blogging from The Swish - The Opposite of Queer

I submit "The Opposite of Queer" as the Army's new slogan, as in: Join the Army...It's the Opposite of Queer. "Army of One" and "Be All that You Can Be" aren't in-your-face enough, and probably won't help the military reach their recruiting goals, which were falling short.

Some may say my slogan is immature, but those people are just stupid. They haven't researched the science of effective sloganeering like I have. According to the science, men are far more prone to act irrationally when their masculinity is threatened. There is a quantifiable link between childhood humiliation and Monster Truck enthusiasts. The larger the tires a man has on his truck, the greater the humiliations he experienced as a child. It's a fact.

I'm merely suggesting that we exploit the "queer fear" in men while our country is at war. We obviously need more volunteers.

Who's with me?

Monday, August 8, 2005

Weezy and The Swish - episode 9

Weezy and The Swish podcast 009 *this episode has been found!*

This week, we have a very special guest. That's right, Bob Cowsill of The Cowsills joins us this week. As he sits in with Weezy and Laura during their weekly insanity session, Bob seems to weather the show rather well.

by Matt Hartley on Mon 08 Aug 2005 06:27 PM PDT

Having some podcast issues

by Matt Hartley on Mon 08 Aug 2005 04:50 PM PDT

We are having some technical difficulties, we'll have the podcast up ASAP.

Friday, August 5, 2005

Email us your Bob Cowsill questions

by Matt Hartley on Fri 05 Aug 2005 02:49 PM PDT

Per Weezy's request, if you have questions for Bob Cowsill, then you are encouraged to email them to us ASAP so we can include them in the upcoming podcast.

What ever you have on your mind will do. If you rather, we can also take actual spoken questions via our voicemail number. Just call us toll free at (866) 758-6991. Please speak clearly so we can understand you.


Thursday, August 4, 2005


by Louise Palanker on Thu 04 Aug 2005 03:01 PM PDT

Guesting on our next podcast will be Bob Cowsill. Bob is a member of the singing Cowsill family, responsible for hits like "The Rain The Park and Other Things," and "Hair." Bob is the talent behind our theme song, "She Said To Me." Listen for podcast #9 on Monday, August 8th.

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Weezy and The Swish - episode 8

Weezy and The Swish podcast 008 *this episode has been lost*

Weezy's back! And after we discuss her adventures abroad, the ladies quickly move right into the seemingly obvious reasoning behind Laura dropping her friends off at a local bookstore rather than continuing to entertain them for the day. Hey, she has a show to do. Give the woman a break!

It took long enough (my fault), but here is Weezy and The Swish - episode 8.

(Sorry for the strange podcast numbering. Once again, things went weird on me and I am 'hoping' this will take care of it)

by Matt Hartley on Wed 03 Aug 2005 09:58 PM PDT

Podcast edits, voting and other fun stuff

The podcast is being finalized as I type this. Will have it up a little later on. In the meantime, don't forget to vote for us for the month of August. Just visit this link to do so.


Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Blogging From Weezy - No Longer Abroad, but still a woman

by Louise Palanker on Tue 02 Aug 2005 10:06 AM PDT

I am back from my trip to Northern Europe and very happy to be home. I love my family but (and how many sentences have begun this way?) The organization of seven people day in and out is exhausting. I greatly admire the parents and the guardians and the cult leaders and anyone who has to coordinate large groups because my natural reaction is the compulsion to escape and start walking and not stop walking until I'm found collapsed on a park bench by Russian authorities demanding to see my passport. This, thankfully, did not happen but I did escape when I could and those forays make for my best memories. I don't know if I was Johnny Appleseed in a former life but I get this urge to just take off on foot and keep moving. It makes me feel like I'm floating. There wasn't much of that permitted on this trip. I got to take off on my own in Helsinki and in Copenhagen. I took off with my brother in Estonia but, once again, there were seven of us and also, they keep a pretty tight reign on you in Russia. You are, in fact, not allowed to leave the ship unless you are part of an organized tour. There may be satellite tracking involved, I'm not sure. We were in Russia for three days and since it is my ancestral home I was very happy to see it and very happy to once again see home, where I'm free to keep walking.

Monday, August 1, 2005

Just a fast FYI

by Matt Hartley on Mon 01 Aug 2005 12:32 AM PDT

We will be recording this week's show today and I will have it posted at some point on Tues.


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